Give life to what is important to you

As the focus of the month is on new beginnings and being able to tap into the seasonality of the new year – I’d like to indulge (a little) in sharing an experience. I was finishing a kundalini class a few weeks ago and the teacher announced a re-birth workshop, which I felt aligned to what I was exploring and writing about in January, so my curiosity led me to sign up. I am not afraid of ‘hocus pocus’, trialing many types of mystical and spiritual practices – in fact I am drawn to the experimentation of it. In the past I’ve had memorable (and insightful) experiences with re-birth; from sweat lodges and vision quests, static ‘ritual’ postures and energetic healing – I am not fearful of the unknown – but rather see it as a way of shedding old patterns, belief systems and choking energies. This particular workshop was aligned with the philosophy and teachings of kundalini that I’ve been studying the past twelve months.

I went into the session with an intention to go with the flow of the experience (as it’s often difficult to calm the curious and expectant mind!), to create space for the new and release the old. Whether it is conscious or buried deep below. The specific intention I wrote down on paper was ‘release old relationships that I obsess over’ – a tricky game I tend to often play with my attention.

The master that bought kundalini to the western world, Yogi Bahjan said of the re-birthing practices he taught, ‘the idea of rebirthing is to release the subconscious, the storehouse of misery’. As a topline, the practices, using heavy breath work, mantra, postures and movement, ‘heal the pain of the past and overcome the obstacles which keep you from living your best life – awakened, rejuvenated and present to your purpose’.

I don’t necessarily want to share my complete experience, as its both personal and can also cause you to jump to conclusions or raise comparisons to any type of experience you have had, or plan to have. Each of us interprets these types of experiences differently and can’t draw any type of contrast to mine.

The class was complex, at times physically challenging, or mentally perplexing, holding postures for up to 31 minutes and chanting in a trance-like state that allows your energy, attention and state of awareness to jump all over the place. I really played to the strengths of my themes this year – trust and playfulness. When it got tough I smiled my way through the conceived pain and sat with believing in the process and myself, and I was rewarded with a feeling of lightness, calm and freshness at the end. Afterwards, I needed an evening of grounding, dense foods to settle me back down and slept soundly for close to 12 hours. Awaking this morning I still carry the lightness and was surprisingly (or strangely) smiling after several intense dreams – leaving me knowing that I’d let go of some of the rigidity, gunk, and exhaustion of year’s past (right back to childhood – or birth…). I’ve the faith my fixation to past relationships will be released. About to go burn that piece of paper shortly…

Experiment a little…

So the message I leave with you for today, articulate what you need to release so you can step forward into the lightness and clarity you seek. What is your purpose, the meaning you’d like to take from the year ahead – what do you want to achieve? What can you do – and it doesn’t need to be as extreme as re-birthing, but simply smiling more, walking with an open posture, setting clear intentions and knowing the goals to kick to achieve it, making a commitment to yourself to follow through, releasing what no longer makes sense – what ever it is, by yourself or with the guidance of trusted others. Be the change you wish to see – every day. Birth what ‘it’ is, that is important to you now.

Creating space for ‘new’

Whenever we’re focusing on creating something new, setting intentions or being in the process of moving forward it’s always important to notice what is holding us back from what we’re capable of. What we need to let go of, what is beyond our control, and being able to navigate carefully – to not foster resentment, jealousy or ill energy towards the past. It may be a belief we need to shift about our identity, how you’ve been treated, or how others have wronged us – they all require a process of shedding. This post may be a little more ‘spiritual’ than others – but we’re focusing on energy when we want to let go, so it’s necessary to go a little deeper – but back it up with some science and studies too.

Taking on a new challenge can be scary, and we all want to avoid mistakes and pain, especially if we’ve been hurt. Rather than seeing the past as crippling, take on an attitude of learning and focus on ‘getting better’. Give yourself permission to screw up and not be perfect all the time – we’re always in a process – always.

As a Coach, I do struggle with goals, in a traditional sense – I get how they work and for a lot of people they are motivating and help them achieve, but for me it’s alignment to your values and intent that makes them powerful and effective – which is the trick some people miss. I recently found this great article at Fulfillment Daily on ‘get better’ goals rather than ‘be good’ goals, which dissects setting yourself up for success well. They note from their study, your ability to cope under pressure and handle stressful situations as a significant indicator of future success. Capable people turn obstacles into a source of growth and opportunity. Mentally strong people avoid dwelling on the past, resenting the success of others and feeling sorry for themselves. Here is another great article published in Forbes magazine, on what successful people avoid. The majority of these points come back to your ability to let go and process experiences as lessons.

Remember, ‘that which you give energy to, breeds’. A version of this line was said to me many years ago, and it rings true. If you’re offering a suffocating experience or person your energy, you’re fueling its power – and its authority to constrict your current (and future) beliefs. Focus on what ‘capacity you have’ to let it go now, not its ‘potential to be released’ some day soon (that will never happen!)

The ‘serenity prayer’ is still hanging in my parents bathroom, I’ve stared at it from age seven or eight, when I was able to read it – and probably only understood its message by the time I was a in my 20s. Letting go of what you cannot change in others is liberating. And having wisdom to know when you are in the process of accepting this, is invaluable.

Don’t enter a power struggle with your past. Let it go. Create space for the new.

See people and circumstances for what they gave you; insight, opportunity for growth, freedom – not for how they let you down or disappointed you. This may take time to process and recognise but eventually if you motion it, you’ll be able to let it go. Be able to forgive, and if you’re struggling with this, see blogs on what I’ve written about forgiveness here.

Often we think something needs to be resolved in order for us to let it go. This is not the case. Letting go, or forgiveness is an intention you make – it is an energy you hold onto, not a thing. So a decision to release it can restore vitality, possibility and integrity to your life – and space for the new.

I’m going to leave you with the words of Gabrielle Bernstein who suggests, ‘your journey of personal development is all part of a divine plan. Our deepest struggles are the catalysts for our greatest change. The moment we embark on a spiritual journey, something radical awakens in us: a deep desire to spread the love. Whether you realise it or not, when you begin to unearth the light within yourself, you’ll soon want to carry the message. Your only purpose is to be the light.’

Experiment a little…

A couple of tools for you:

Just focusing on light helps to you release and shift. Use your breath, this is the source of life, slow its pace as much as you can without strain. Let the new breath in be cleansing, healing and clearing space. Close your eyes and imagine white light entering your body, deep down into your chest and heart area, then into the diaphragm and cleansing your organs. Let the exhale be equal in length, but see it carrying away toxins, unwanted energy and emotions. See the darkness leaving your body – anything that you want to be rid of. Ensure you’re breathing correctly, with an inhale expand your chest and belly, on the exhale your body falls back towards the spine. Let each new breath spread the light all around your body. Any time you get distracted with thoughts just bring your attention back to your breath and let the thoughts pass by like clouds in the sky, don’t entertain them. Try to do this for just three minutes once a day, and increase each day by one minute – until you can get to 20-30 minutes in total. See what a difference this makes when you truly let the unwanted energy release.

And to take it a step further, and the process deeper, here is a set of questions you can use to focus on a person or situation you resent and want to release. You can repeat this many times over, or for several people and circumstances, until you feel a sense of having let go. This exercise is great for processing all types of relationships.

Who/ what am I carrying a resentment toward?

Write out a list. Select one at a time, and go through each of these questions for each person/ situation.

What do I resent this person for?
What can I be responsible for in this situation?
In what ways can this experience help me become a more mature person?
What lessons did I learn?
What good can come of this situation?
What have I been unwilling to accept in this situation?
What can I let go of so the situation is complete?

© adapted from work by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Go ‘big’ this year

Following on from my recent post, I want to give you some exercises to dare, dream and go BIG in 2015. Use the momentum of January to kick-start something you have been waiting to do, get rid of any complacency, deep seeded fears and start – one step at a time.

Whether the past year was a challenge or a triumph, the quote comes to mind, ‘what doesn’t break us only makes us stronger’. So no matter what your year was like, there are always lessons and ways to use that wisdom to create new possibilities. As I reflect back – all the challenges I faced have only made me stronger, more resilient and equipped me to be better at facing life. After all, I see each day as an adventure and know my choices, moment by moment, guide that adventure.

Have you cleared some mental and emotional space? Let the cobwebs form over 2014. If you want some good tips on letting go, read my posts on fear, energy leaks and forgiveness – however I plan to dedicate next week’s post to ‘letting go’ if there are still some niggles persisting.

For now, let’s focus on what we want, to create, to vision, to achieve. I asked you to think up some themes that are important to you right now. Some areas to focus on, in 2015. How’d you go with those? Let’s use these as the basis for setting intentions and actions towards. These themes are likely to do with your values. To understand your values better click here. This is what is deeply important to us and guides our mindset, emotions and behaviours. That is why getting your theme accurate sets you on the right track before you set objectives and actions.

Below is a step-by-step guide to get clear on what you want to achieve and take the first steps towards it (plus an example). From my experience, and working with Clients, the feedback is that doing something small regularly (just a couple of minutes a day) is how you get lasting success in time, plus it re-programs you towards new ways of being (or healthy habits).

I also recommend you evaluate yourself regularly, so you can track your progress. It could be weekly or monthly. But have a check-in with yourself and keep yourself accountable to seeing progress. Pop a diary request in, so you have check-ins set up for the months ahead.

Lastly, I suggest you pick 1-3 things and do them well. Taking on too much becomes overwhelming and over-commits you, when time can be scarce. Often, focus on one helps it get achieved quicker (or the habit down pat) so you can move onto the next.

Can I leave you with one final point – believe in yourself and commit to yourself, you always have those two choices. Use your choices wisely by valuing yourself enough to keep up – as you will be kept up and rewarded.

Experiment a little…

Take your first theme, and do the following sets of questions, then repeat for each additional one. Consider what is right for you, not others, not what is expected – but what you want to fulfill for yourself.
E.g. Security.

What is it you want to achieve? Articulate it into one sentence – with a clear statement of ‘exactly’ what you want.
E.g. A $50,000 deposit for my first home by the end of 2015.

Why is this important to you?
E.g. To set myself up for a secure future. To ensure I commit to a saving plan that honours my need for security, invest my money wisely into my future (vs. spending on things I don’t necessarily need!)

If it’s currently lacking in your life, can you come up with an idea to why? How have your beliefs or actions contributed to it missing. If it’s present, how can you enhance it further, and stronger?
E.g. I often dip into my savings for shopping and other items that aren’t necessarily a priority, they are an indulgence – this has prevented me getting ahead financially in the past. I need commitment, rather than denial towards my financial future. See each dollar I earn/ spend as ROI equation – what am I getting from it – from groceries, to holidays, to savings beyond (it’s the tangible).

If it is/ were present, what would life be like? Break it down three ways; a typical day, an important event, and how you’ll feel come December 31st having that met every day in some small way.
E.g. typical day – each time I buy something record it in my spending plan to I track purchases – understand ‘why’ I am spending each dollar and what I get from the purchase e.g. healthy night in vs. drinking with friends.
Important event – Pay day! Transfer money across to my savings account every pay day (non-negotiable). I’ll see the progress and bank balance rising.
December 31st – I will feel amazing if I can reach my target! I will be able to justify giving up the small indulgences for a longer-term gain and proud of myself for being committed to my future. I will feel even more amazing if I have been able to resist the temptation to dip into the savings for an entire year.

Remember, just like savings earning interest, it’s the small incremental changes that are the most powerful, and lasting.

So now for the ACTION. What can you do to make this happen? Both right now, in the next 48 hours and in the next few months. Brainstorm some plans, but only commit to these three actions. Store the others for when you need motivation, to plan the next step – and I suggest revisiting the next step once a week.

E.g. Now – set up the template for my annual spending plan.
Next 48 hours – set up the automatic transfer to my savings account every month and a time each week to look at my budget and make entries/ adjustments.
Next few months – track my spending, and make sure entries are up to date and accurate so I know where I stand. And each month do one thing towards buying a property, see below.
Other ideas – think of what I can say to people when I can’t attend an event (wanting to save money instead), how I can rationalise to myself that the long term gain is better than a quick fix purchase (sentence to myself when the temptation is there?), see if I can save more after a few months (?!) see where I can make more efficiencies as I understand how I am spending my money, ask an expert for advice (financial advisor?), see the bank about what is involved in getting a loan, see a mortgage broker, start to research properties in areas I’d like to buy, research property market trends and forecasts, ask friends how they purchased first home (steps and sacrifices) etc…

Welcome 2015, I’ve been looking forward to you!

Happy new year everyone! It has taken me a few days to write this blog, and even a few months to attack writing again, the end of last year felt like a speeding train galloping past me at a pace where I couldn’t really catch up. Weirdly, I didn’t want to keep up. I was exhausted and couldn’t kick the flu for over a month, I was constantly sleepy and had a lot of (by choice) social gatherings during the silly season.

Last year was a challenging one for me. I keep telling anyone who’ll listen that I am ready for it to be gone, and welcome the new one. I’ve spent the last few days reflecting back and shedding 2014, and getting really clear on my intentions for 2015.

Looking back it was a big year. I completed the Camino de Santiago. This was a goal I’d been holding onto for close to 15 years, and still every day I am astounded from further insights from my time walking. I completed studies for my kundalini teacher certificate, this type of yoga works intensely on your energy systems. Both surfaced a lot of emotional gunk. A lot I had to face, confront and release. Sometimes in a graceful way, but mostly in an ugly, very angry, and destructive way. I took a lot of it out on people who didn’t deserve it and abused my body in some unhealthy ways – at times I felt like a magnet for dysfunction. It took me back to what I called many years ago, the ‘dark spiral’. Cycles of feeling sorry for myself, complacency, and negativity. Sometimes I like to sit and enjoy those dark moments, thankfully I can haul myself out… And know what was surfacing is in the past – and I have the choice to clutch onto those beliefs, people and circumstances, or the choice to release it.

I also moved home to Melbourne. Even being a Coach, I under-estimated to intensity of this kind of shift, and am humbled further when I guide others – a good reminder of the complexity of change. I love the energy of the city and I’m looking forward to feeling more settled. After having a gypsy lifestyle for the past 12 months, I know, and now accept, it’s going to continue, so I need to adapt to better experience it – after all I asked for this transient lifestyle, plus I love being able to travel for work.

So how was 2014 for you? Any major shifts or changes occur? It was a big year for many people I am connected with. Perhaps spend some time reflecting on what you achieved, challenges and insights and snippets of what you learned about yourself. Plus let go of anything you want to leave there!

As a sneak peek at what I am writing about this month, I intend to explore setting goals and taking action on new projects for yourself, creating space for new by letting go of the old, and I’m also attending a re-birth session later in the month, so I’ll give you some insight after the experience…

Experiment a little

Reflect and let go of last year… Then…

Kick-off your year ahead… Can you consider some themes or values that are important for you to meet? What you’d like to achieve? Specific goals or intentions? Sit with this for a few days, and we’ll see how we can convert them into actions to take in the week ahead.

For me, this year there are four themes to tackle. Being more ‘playful’, not being so serious and having more fun. From all the disorder of last year, I get a sense that there is going to be a lot of ‘creation’ this year, especially through the work I do. ‘Partnership’ is also important for all my relationships. And to really sit with ‘trust’ on a deeper level, let go of control, expectations and outcomes – and roll with the process.