31 days of ways – May 31

Perhaps the most influential quote and sentiment for me thus far, so much that it inspired my business name, and my choice to leave it to last, as a wrap up on the key influences for my life.

‘Be the change you wish to see in the world’ by the influential Gandhi, was a quote I’d heard often but not really understood until five years ago. For me it’s more than changing thoughts, feelings and ways I behave, instead integrating them all so I have a sense of congruence – not the internal debate between my head and heart or not trusting my gut feeling on decisions I make. ‘Be’ing is about having an inner knowing, a feeling of alignment that I am consciously stepping in the right direction.

Consider what ‘being’ means for you the next time you want to inflict change in your life. How can you integrate all aspects of your head (thoughts), heart (feelings) and gut (knowing) to make an impact that benefits your life.

31 days of ways – May 30

As we near the end of May, the month of daily blogs (I’ve almost made it!) I wanted to save two key influences in my life ‘til last. Today I want to discuss self-worth. I specifically call it this to differentiate it from values that I often write about (self-worth is often also called self-value so I want to make it clear what I am writing about). Self-worth is the bedrock of our personal values.

It’s a bit of a touchy subject for most people, as it can be very emotional and requires letting go of parts of ourselves we identify with in the past or present – whether we created them or they linger after comments are made from others (parents, family friends, siblings, school mates, teachers, the list goes on). Self-worth is at the core of every human being – understanding and believing you are here with and for a purpose – and how to act on it – and bring it into being, your essence. It is different to confidence, as confidence can often be masked by skill and ego. For me confidence means you’re competent at something – presenting (most people’s no. 1 fear), riding a horse, mathematic equations, coding computer language, able to tell others how you feel, or driving a racing car. Self-worth means believing you have value.

Self-worth, as I see it, is more like a process or an unfolding. I’m not quite sure if anyone is ever at 100% knowing themselves, because we’re constantly in a state of learning more about ourselves and in the process of ‘accepting and trusting’ we’ll get to where we want to be. It is about understanding that sometimes life dishes us up some rough circumstances, often it is us who stirred up the trouble and other times it just happened beyond your control – and building the resilience to move through it and not let it deter you. It’s enjoying the moment when you’re on a high or life is going well – but understanding this is not a state that is constant or achievable all the time. Working on your own worth is a life long practice and I am not sure if there is a recipe that is one size fits all. We’re all different therefore our self-worth is going to be charged by different factors.

Self-worth is the foundation I work on with my Clients (whether we call it that or not). It takes time to build, understand and act on strengthening your own worth. Like I said above, life long practice.

There are so many resources available to us to assist in the transformation. Some you are drawn to at relevant times and others you can discard as they seem like crazy concepts. I believe you can read all the books in the world, but the ‘acting on it’ is where the magic lies. The belief comes from doing, reflection and perseverance, hence constant reinforcement of daily acts. Like using your manners daily to show appreciation to others but also towards yourself (how often do you say thanks to yourself for the marvellous things you do?), wishing people a great day ahead (starting your day in a happy way and not begrudgingly flopping out of bed all surly at the world), handing out compliments (something I used to struggle with as I was hard on myself, so I struggled to give or accept compliments to others). I’m hoping you can see the theme here about congruence – between the ways you treat others and the way you treat yourself. Stop comparing yourself, stop dishing all your energy outward, stop thinking other people have it better or you are better, and start believing you’re worth it and can have it all too.

If I could recommend one book to guide shifts in believing your own self-worth, it would be Don Miguel Ruiz’s ‘The four agreements’ – a book and synopsis I have recommended before, because it’s so powerful. Some people don’t understand it at first, but the concepts are so simple and VERY transformative; once you become aware of how you are currently behaving, compared to where you could be.

Consider today, doing one thing towards acceptance, trust and belief in yourself. And ongoing, stick with the process as it unfolds each day – be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you have worth.

31 days of ways – May 29

Having spent most of my career in a creative environment and being naturally interested and curious about colour, expression and communication I find it weird when people think they aren’t creative. For me creativity is simply problem solving – whether it’s via expression, doing something different, making or producing something, sending a message or capturing a thought. It’s inherent in us as humans, in ALL we do.

It doesn’t mean you have to paint the next Mona Lisa, win a Pulitzer prize or wear quirky hipster or hippy clothes. It simply comes down to how you go about your day – how you position items in your house, how you use colour coding in an excel spreadsheet (for all the accountants out there!) and it’s definitely not a gift that is only given to a selected few. Creativity is in us all. It’s just about tapping into it on a regular basis; through sticking with the same project and interest, or varying them up and trying new things – just inject creativity into daily life.

There is a gorgeous book that is a great kick-start for creativity, called ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron. It requires you to stick to a daily creative process over a couple of months, to be aware and process as you work through the daily tasks. I recommend this as a fantastic resource for those who feel stuck, as it’s both practical and theoretical. I do strongly suggest people actually ‘experience’ when feeling blocked with creativity rather than read a book or just research. Get out there – attend an art class, go to an exhibition, attend a writers festival, cook some fancy or difficult recipes, reflect on nature and capture it in a visual way or with words, write or draw, talk to people, go for a walk through the shops or a local market to see all the creativity around you, or even just go to an alternative neighbourhood and people watch – that’s always really fun and opens eyes to new things.

Don’t feel that you aren’t creative – YOU ARE – it’s just a matter of experiencing and DOING it!

31 days of ways – May 28

Artwork (c) Ritch Gaiti – Follow the Leader

Today’s post is about the influence of leadership. All through my career I’ve selected jobs because I knew I would learn a tonne from the people I was around and would be directly inspired by my immediate boss. Sometimes the lessons I learned where skills based – early in my career understanding what exceptional Client service was, how to manage time and multi-task, through to more advanced emotional intelligence skills and relationship development, how to work in large corporations, pick battles and tow the company line when required. Before I went out on my own, I had an exceptional induction into how to set up a successful start-up business and grow to 80+ people quickly. So here is a BIG ‘thank you’ to all the people who have inspired and nurtured me through out my working life – such an amazing journey and I’m so grateful for all your wisdom and advice along the way.

The motto I have always had, no matter my role in a business, is to always be your own inner leader. To do yourself proud each day you’re in the company. I believe that leaders of all organisations do have two duties – to both serve and inspire. To serve their teams, their Clients, their suppliers and the business they are part of; not to bully, hand out orders or act superior but get into the trenches when required and act as part of the team, not above it. The second task is to inspire – through passing on knowledge, experiences and helping others learn from mistakes you may have made, challenges you’ve overcome and successes or achievements you’ve made (both by yourself and as a team). Act as this source of inspiration by pulling the team together to grow and share from one another, and by acknowledging people and saying thank you for their efforts regularly.

Leadership is rooted in values; understanding what is important and how to express, for individuals, for the team and the wider business. Understanding the selected values helps filter the way you behave, think and achieve tasks required. Understood (and believed) values effect subsequent behaviours and beliefs to align teams. There is a fantastic resource I came across a few years ago about setting and changing culture in organisations, ‘Walking the Talk’ by Carolyn Taylor – well worth a read for those who want to build a successful culture in their values-based business.

31 days of ways – May 27

Energy leaks is a great little term I broach with most Clients. It usually comes up in the first session because people want to change something, due to the fact it is draining them – whether it is mentally (thoughts towards self, but usually towards others, such as a Client or colleague or past relationships), emotionally (feelings we’re holding onto and need to shift, like forgiveness) or physically (clutter or items that cease our flow). For me, energy is time, money, where we put our focus and is very, VERY moveable.

It is a great practice at the beginning of each year to assess and shuffle what takes your focus, what do you need to clear out, cease abusing or spending unnecessary time or money on – even something as simple as a wardrobe clean-out, re-organising furniture, introducing new colours or a plant to your home environment can shift energy. This year, at the commencement of each new season I’m focusing on what that energy shift harvests in us. Here in Australia we’re moving into winter and the colder months, so next week I’ll look at what that means.

For now, consider is there is an energy drain around you at the moment? Are you holding onto unwanted clutter, do you need a dust out, clear out the garage, cease hoarding feelings towards a person who doesn’t deserve it, or hang a new symbol of energy you want to attract in your home or office? Focus on that feeling of lightness when its removed to motivate you getting started.

31 days of ways – May 26

Trees and clouds are two of my favourite elements of nature. You can never under estimate the power of being in nature. The photo above is from sitting underneath my favourite tree in Centennial Park, here in Sydney. It is a special tree I like to sit under occasionally and reflect, dream, snooze, laugh, talk with friends, admire as I walk by and acknowledge as beautiful. When I travel to other countries I will often connect with the trees and take lots of photos of them, there is something so powerful, graceful and stoic about them – facing all weather conditions and surviving, they really are the epitome of resilience.

And clouds, I love to notice daily how the sky changes, how the clouds form, the different shapes and movements. Again, I have albums full of images of clouds from all around the globe, noticing how close they are to the earth at times, and when you look from above in a plane the perspective is unreal. They remind me of how we as people are capable of change and different forms – sometimes fluffy and delicious and others angry and racing away, how we can be sad a cry raindrops, and also a clear sky when we’re absent from our own thoughts and feel extreme clarity.

What parts of nature do you connect with? Is there something you seem to be naturally drawn to?

31 days of ways – May 25

I think I wrote about this author in a post back in April, however I want to honour a day to Masaru Emoto and his gorgeous little book, ‘The hidden messages in water’. I’m not even quite sure how I stumbled across it, but either way it was refreshing at the time, likely because I was beginning to understand the power of intention, and how it does effect outcomes in your life. When I read how water can carry energy I felt it could be a powerful force of causing change not just in ourselves, but the planet. Which is exactly how Emoto wants to take the research findings to make a difference. In a nutshell, his explorations proved that water carries energy, both positive and negative based on the way it is exposed to different sounds, smells, intentions, or interactions with substances and other energies. From heavy metal music and classical music and how it changes the molecular make-up of the water.

In application for me, I see water as a really cleansing force. I put intention into the water I drink – I believe that it is cleansing me, generating positivity around me. Even when I water my plants, have a shower, swim in the ocean, I try to remember to purposefully do so with an intention of how the contact with water is having a healthy impact on my life.

Try it for yourself, use a shower at the end of the day to wash away worries, use a dip in the salty ocean to clear some tension, and just consider a key word when you’re drinking water each time, like ‘cleanse’ or ‘strength’ and see if it makes a difference.

31 days of ways – May 24

Back in the 80s a gem of a book was written, Feel the fear and do it anyway, and Susan Jeffers became a household name in breaking down the perception of fear, making it feel normal to experience and encouraged readers to get on with chasing they wanted rather than letting fear stifle them. The book has had immeasurable affect for my coaching, helping my Clients to achieve their dreams and for me personally to overcome areas of anxiety in my world.

Another quote I often reference that compliments the work of Susan Jeffers well is from another pioneer in the self-help industry Marianne Williamson, who said, ‘our deepest fear is we’re powerful beyond measure’ – stepping into, or letting our individual light shine is often more daunting that failure, disappointment and loss of achievement. It is a really great to quote to reflect on when you feel fear set in about a project or part of your life you want to change. When you want to step up, allow yourself to excel and be at your best, don’t let the fear get the better of you.

Is there something you can do today that will step you closer to the powerful you?

Here is a link to the month focus I did on fear a while back.

31 days of ways – May 23

As I write I usually listen to music, which led me to today’s topic. Certain songs have been instrumental (excuse the pun!) in shaping my life, managing problems, capturing memories and making me happy. I know I wrote about karaoke earlier this month and my love of singing, but songs deserve their own post. I listen to the Australian radio station Triple J when driving and they are currently doing a poll for the hottest 100 songs for the last 20 years, and I had to consider, what would mine be? There are so many, but to get to one as my favourite would be incredibly tough. So I’ve given it a shot, and I am calling out Beth Orton, Stolen Car. Makes me feel a little nervous and also very sorry for other amazing tunes that miss out (my deepest apologies to Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac) but I love it, and have probably played it more than any other song I own over the years.

I’ve got the lyrics below, just as an ode to Beth, who I’ve seen live three times, and adore her quirky ways and have massive appreciation for her talents delivered to the world. What would be your number one song??!

– – –

You walked into my house last night
I couldn’t help but notice,
A light that was long gone still burning strong
You were sitting,
Your fingers like fuses,
Your eyes were cinnamon
You said you stand for every known abuse,
That was ever that was ever threatened to anyone but you
And why should I know better by now when I’m old enough not to
While every lie speaks the language of love,
It never held the meaning I was thinking of
And I can’t decide over right or wrong,
I guess sometimes you need a place where you belong
Somewhere sing along was through the wrong my whole day,
Little things like this don’t matter to me
Others felt that you should stand for every known abuse to hand,
And all the things that they could never see
You said you stood for every known abuse,
That was ever that was ever promised to anyone like you
Don’t you wish you knew better by now when you’re old enough not to
When every lie speaks the language of love,
It never held the meaning I was thinking of
And I can’t decide over right or wrong,
You left the feeling that I just do not belong
Wondering too many and a joke gone too far,
I see your face drive like a stolen car
It’s harder to hide when you’re itching your eye,
It’s harder to hide what you really saw
Oh yeah, you stand for every known abuse,
That I’ve ever seen my way through
Don’t I wish I knew better by now when I think I’m starting to
When every lie speaks the language of love,
It never held the meaning I was thinking of
And I lost the line between right or wrong,
I just want to find a place where I belong
Why should you know better by now when your old enough not to,
I wish I knew better by now when I’m old enough not to

Songwriters: TED BARNES, BETH ORTON, SEAN READ, WILL BLANCHARD.

31 days of ways – May 22

The cliché line from rom com weddings, ‘speak now of forever hold your peace’ used to make me cringe, it was always so awkward and I know that exact feeling of when I need to speak up in life comes. I can feel a wave of doubt wash over me, and often the moment is lost. So it is a good line for me to reflect on.

Finding my voice, and being able to speak up has been a life long journey that I can say I will only persevere towards, and keep working on daily. Yes, for me, it is daily. Whether it is calling myself on some bad habits, watching how I try to break new behaviours and most importantly when I am conversing with other people.

Having the strength to tell people what they ask to hear, what you need to tell them and also to ensure that you’re being completely honest, is for me often a struggle. It can be a fine balance between brashness, brutality, assertiveness and honesty. When I say this to people they chuckle knowing I am a coach who works with people about calling out the truth, so perhaps that is why I continue with the dance, of getting it right sometimes, (mentally) pinching myself at other missed opportunities, or following up in untimely ways.

I’m certain I am not the only person who struggles with this, but I know that telling the truth while momentarily will delight, hurt, surprise, disgust or warn people, it is not all bad. The benefit is liberating, respect building, and able to remove worry from causing us hours (and sometimes days and weeks) of inner turmoil. I applaud all those who can improve in this area, who can speak up with tact – not with malicious or ill meaning feedback or intent, but be able to say what they mean or how they feel. And to not give up (and retreat back) if it doesn’t go right the first time.